Wicked Mind

So I have a new job(again) at The Shed and the Pink Adobe is reopening. So now I have a dilemma. My cuz works two doubles a week and walks away with $600 cash a week. I, being the new guy, made $30 my first night without someone training me and $60 two nights in a row after that. The money is good and did I mention its one of the coolest places I have ever worked? If I can get full time there I think Ill say goodbye to the Pink Adobe.

In other news I have lost a lot of weight. WOOT! Go me! I feel better than I ever have and I think I look great too.

Well My only day off with strep I think has been good. I didn't do anything but play Tales of the Abyss. And I have to say I like it a lot. Like a lot a lot... Like on par with FF7.
THATS RIGHT!!!! YOU HEARD IT! Me of all people saying a game can hold a candle to FF7? But its true. The game is super purty (for a PS2 game). The story is as thick mud and just about as clear for most of the game. It keeps you guessing at whats going on. AND THE BAD GUYS! Totally cool. The only thing that gets to me is the dialog. Its so cheezy. But thats also part of the charm.

I have had the craziest year and a half of my life. I have my own place, and battled with the crazy woman living under us who hears like superman, I was in two car wrecks in less than two months, and I got a new job.

Then to top it all off I think Ive been a total numskull. That I was totally oblivious to something I was paying attention to. If thats the case I feel like a jerk. And hopeful of forgiveness. If I'm wrong I'm a total idiot and I'll bash my head upon a brick wall till I feel all mushy.

But I have work tomorrow and its the heart day. So many people! I wish I had better timing. Then today could have been funner.

Oyasuminasai!!!

Not really. I just think of it as a new place to sleep. In other words I got an apartment. Woot!

I just got in a car wreck.
Everyone is ok.
My car is not... and when I wake up in the morning im going to be dieing.

Damn you humbling thought
Damn you sudden knowing
Damn being wrong
Damn having to wait to apologize
Damn having to apologize
Damn

So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
And the bartender says,
"I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
That struck a chord.
Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
But they're key to my humour.
And very noteworthy.

I am so tired!!!!!! 18 credit hours and two jobs is beating me up. But Im going to do it!!!

Lets see... Whats new? My two jobs are running food at Dieago's two days a week and the other is working at the Tin Star as a bouncer. Both jobs are great. Running food is fun and the people I work with are fun. Rob, one of my co-workers, who I was getting close to has seemingly fallen off the face of the earth. I'm sad for that but at the same time I think he needs help. The Tin Star is fun too although I have to say my view of alcohol has changed. All things in moderation, no?

My brother is in ABQ at UNM. Its odd not having him here. I'm jealous of him being out of the house. My money situation is getting better so money will be getting saved after all my debts are paid. WOOT!


Im in class right now and its hell! GAH! I'm a bored out of my mind panda. Gotta go!!!

We just changed our old tree of 16 years for a new pre lit one. And I cant say Im sorry. That tree was haggard and had seen way better days. It was time. And a run of 16 years is not bad at all. So in short: I GOT A NEW TREE!

Have you ever felt like there are things that you had no control over and you where ok with it? Its how I feel now. There are things that are going on that I have no power to change. I think I'm ok with it because I have faith in the people that are in the middle. All the same sometimes it drives me crazy.


I just heard some rather unexpected news. It kinda bugged me at first but now I know its not for me to worry about.


I was writing a friend and they where asking if I ever felt alone. I have felt alone for a long time. I have gotten used to it and its not a depressed alone. I'm comfortable with it. Its something that I have been thinking about since I was asked. Its funny how we are so afraid to be alone but we are so much of the time. Its just the idea that there is someone there that can keep us going. Why do we need that?


There are a lot of people that are close to me that I feel are on the edge of becoming lost. I dont know what to do. I want to reach out and say its ok you just need to look. I wish I could snap my fingers and have everything be good. I know that I cant. All I can do is be there if they need.

When people ask for help its one thing. But if they just tell you whats wrong it could just be them needing to talk or a call for help. If its the latter than offering help can push them from you. If its a call for help not doing anything can end in pain.


I have been looking at a body mod site: http://modblog.bmezine.com/

I was looking for tattoos and found much more there. I have been thinking lightly about getting a tattoo and wanted to do some research. So in looking at this site I found some really cool things like scarification and some pics from O PM in ABQ. There where also some really messed up stuff in there too. I don't know why some people feel the need to mutilate them selfs. As it is now I don't have anything that I know I would want on my body forever. So I think I will enjoy the art of tattoos and scarification from the sidelines.


As going with the body mod stuff I have noticed that I have been looking at things that are a bit on the morbid side. I just want to know why people do things like that. I'm not thinking about doing to my self like in the modblog site. Its just crazy to me. I have come to the conclusion that some things are to be unknown to me.


Ok time to zone out and listen to music as I wade through the night of sleeplessness.

* Remember to breathe
* make small karma payments every now and then
* read "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn
* Listen to Pink Floyd while watching an old movie on mute
* don't own fish
* watch Donnie Darko
* understand how to use BitComet
* go to a protest, even if you don't agree with the protest
* wear more yellow / smoke. quit. smoke again. and then quit and don't smoke again
* Read Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn, just not together or in one sitting
* locate your parent's music collection to help understand who they were and are now
* realize you are not as fat, stupid, or unattractive as you think you are
* ealize there is a difference between love and lust
* never date ex-significant others - trust me
* realize that people will die even if you don't want them to
* think of yourself a red and your lover as blue and your relationship as a vibrant purple - and watch for color changes
* try everything once, minus the bad things
* realize your definitions of bad things will change over time
* question authority, think for yourself and read up on the guy that coined that last phrase
* read "Culture of Make Believe" by Derrick Jensen
* listen to your parents but realize that though they are wise in their years and experiences they are not always right or know what to do
* send a dollar bill in the mail to someone at random at least once a year
* be cautious of anyone that uses terms like "truth" or "freedom" all of the time
* read what you believe but don't always believe what you read
* locate more sources of information than just your TV
* learn how to make yourself smile
* plant your own garden
* realize you are more privileged than many other people in the world
* ask small children what the meaning of life is and believe them when they tell you
* pay attention to the details
* watch "Mindwalk" until it clicks
* have at least one best friend you are attracted to and never sleep with them
* change your favorite color for a while and see how it goes
* don't close your eyes before suffering
* realize the Ying-Yang is one symbol, not two
* meditate
* dance on purpose
* realize there are always always more than two sides to any issue
* understand propaganda
* read more
* trust yourself
* move to another country for a while or travel for a great length of time
* realize when someone tells you they just want to be friends they mean something else. realize when you do the same
* know that the odds are in your favor that you will find someone else
* realize power roles in your family
* look up more than you look down, forward more than back
* go through your old photos and look at the people in the background
* listen more than talk when you get the chance
* ask why more than replying because
* teach
* look at yourself from outside of yourself
* realize people suffer because they hang on to things
* be honest with your friends until you weed our all of the acquaintances
* argue for something you don't agree with on occasion / look at other people looking at other people
* realize life is bigger than you and your worlds
* watch the moon for an hour
* listen to Neutral Milk Hotel until you get it
* Stumble
* get a bowl of water, shake enough pepper on the water to coat the top, put a drop of dish soap on your finger and stick it into the water - and realize the reaction you get is the same reaction you will get if you always told the truth
* get into an argument and lose it on purpose
* read Bukowski
* learn another language
* on occasion, be empathetic to a fault
* give more than take
* realize that everything i tried to teach you this semester you could have easily learned on your own had you wanted to do begin with
* and remember to breathe.

Yeah this is a cool forum that I geek out in a lot. RPGs and such with some other cool topics. www.profoundforum.com

my throat is sore... from singing The Wallflowers songs all day...

my throat is sore... from singing The Wallflowers songs all day...

What does it mean when a girl asks you what you are thinking? I think it gets me every time.

I signed up for classes! Some of the fun ones are: Japanese, Tai Chi, and Guitar! Woot woot! Now to just pass the classes I have now!

I hate research essays. Oh how I hate you.

I need to sleep.........
Meh...
M
e
h
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.
.
.
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Meh.

Today I got called a dirty Republican... to wich I retorted, "At least I take showers." Then I remembered I hadn't taken a shower that early (12:45PM) and was not wearing deodorant.

DDR = Totally sweet!

I have to hold it now. Its heavy. Its life. Somehow it hurts me now. It never did before.

Yes it is kids... Its like a jab, haymaker combo in boxing...

Ill start off my telling how I came to hear of this majestic drink.

Halloween
It started off innocent enough. I went to pick up my friend Kris at her dorm. I was dressed as a Gypsy Pirate. It is way cool. I think I may use the vest more than just a costume. When I got to the dorms Kris was outside talking to some guy that was stoned and telling her about how she should take care of her liver.. with a condom... or some such thing. She was dressed as a geisha. It was very risque. Once the high one wandered away we went to Mikes house. He was a ninja. The costume was cool. He made the shirt by hand and his mask was a tshirt that was folded and tucked to make the unforgettable ninja garb. There we waited for Eathan. When he showed up we where hungry so he popped back out to get food and stuff for his costume. When he returned he had a mohawk and was dressed as a punk. Way sweet. Super props for shaving his head just for the costume. Eathan had said something about going and hanging out with Benji at some party. Little did I know that it was the house of my dear friend Jett. There was music, drinks and people there. It was wild, fun and sorta nostalgic. I miss talking with Jett. His house is so cool too. It was there that I first saw a Back Draft. Jett walked by me and said hello. He then leaned in and said with almost glee, "come watch this guy do something cool." He then moved to the kitchen where he proceeded to mix a drink. He swirled it around after pouring the drinks. Held it over an open flame. In the dim light from the candles mixed with the look on his face Jett looked like a mad scientist. He then set the drink ablaze. The fire was blue in the glass atop a purple red drink. The man he handed looked at it for a moment then placed his hand quickly over the top of the glass. He hissed and removed his hand as fast as he had placed it. You could see the fire had gone out. Jett laughed. "You have to cover the top compleatly. He lit the drink again. The man tried it again. This time his hand stayed and the fire extengwished. He brought the glass up to his mouth, removed his hand and inhaled deeply. The glass was then emptied.

The Back Draft is lit on fire so that the alcoholic fumes rise. When you place your hand over the top you get rid of all the oxygen leaving the alcoholic fumes. The deep inhale is a quick high followed by the drink. The fumes hit you fast and the drink sneaks up on you moments later when you think you are fine. The party was great fun. Cool people and fun times.